Why is respect so important?
Philosophy By Grandmaster Henry Sue
While visiting an interstate class I was queried by a Kung Fu student on the importance of respect. This particular student found the Tong Long philosophy of respect rather difficult to comprehend and so asked me, “Sifu, I have come here to learn Kung Fu, why do I have to go through all of this formality about respecting… salutation and order formality; saluting to one another; don’t you think it’s a waste of time?”
I felt it was necessary to explain to this student the importance of respect and so I replied,
“respect is a necessary ingredient to be successful in Kung Fu or anything in life”.
Learning and Respect
If you have a child who is not doing very well at school, you may ask them why school is so bad. Often the child will tell you they don’t like their teacher.
I explained to this student how by not liking the teacher the child was showing disrespect towards their teacher.
So whatever the teacher says the child is not going to take to heart, or remember, or take directions when instructed in a task. The child doesn’t want to know the teacher, so in class they don’t see very well, they don’t hear very well, they don’t memorise very well and they don’t train well. They don’t go home and do their homework, because they don’t care, they don’t like the teacher.
I said to the student, “So you may ask… what has this got to do with Kung Fu?”
Kung Fu is very similar, the Kung Fu in you respects someone, because of this, you pay closer attention; you have better hearing.
You do well in Kung Fu because you are interested, and from this interest naturally spawns your respect. When you’re interested, you listen to whatever your instructor might say, which enables you to learn faster.
You start to memorise, so it gives you a better memory; respect gives you a better memory.
And respect gives you better eyesight. You see the movement better because you take interest, so whatever movement your instructor shows you, you memorise it or try to do it.
You start to become a vehicle in which you can drive your interest forward. And then you start to see better, move better, listen better and
memorise better.
But most importantly, when you go home, what do you do? You train! You don’t want to disappoint someone you respect so you try your best, you take the initiative to train, so you can show your instructor what he or she taught you.
Respect is that important, it is your vehicle of learning.
Teaching and Respect
However, if the instructor finds that their students are not respecting them, the responsibility comes back to the instructor to find out why. They must ask themself what they have done wrong; why haven’t they gained the respect of their students?
I always have said, I repeatedly have said, once you have made a difference in people’s lives, you begin to gain their respect.
I strongly believe that for any instructor to gain the respect of their students, first they must take a special interest in that student. Instructors must remember that they are not just teaching. The instructor has to encourage the student. Instructors have to take interest, encourage, and also monitor their students’ results. Otherwise if they just teach a class as a whole, they may overlook particular students and their individual needs.
For example, some students within the academy are very conservative; they won’t move their hand until they are sure they know they are performing the technique correctly. If the instructor yells at them, “why aren’t you listening to me… what’s wrong with you… just do the technique… do it,” the instructor is not taking interest in the student individually; this is a sign of disrespect.
Some students are shy, some are vocal and some tend to show off. If an instructor treats all the students the same, all as equals, and demands results, at the end of the day the instructor is not going to get any respect because their students did not feel that he was taking special interest in them, individually.
What I would recommend in a class situation, is that when a student is having difficulty, the instructor may give that student special attention, even though they are speaking to the rest of the class. They may use that student as an example. They should guide his or her hand through the technique, and therefore create confidence in the student. They can bring their shyness out, they can encourage, they can say, “no that’s ok, you know, you’re trying very hard, it’s alright.”
On the other hand some students may be too vocal and demanding of your time in a class situation. The instructor should address this by saying “now look, just wait a minute, keep quiet please, I’ll be with you soon, look carefully and pay attention.” This stops the student from being too vocal, or talking too loud, for when a vocal student does this, they close their mind; actively preventing their teachers voice from getting into their brain. All the student hears is their own voice.
So each student has his or her own difficulty of learning. That is why an instructor must treat each student individually. Once each individual feels as if an instructor is taking interest in them, there’s a “wow, he’s not only teaching the class, he is taking an interest in whether I do good or bad; and no matter how difficult I am to train, this instructor is still patient with me, he doesn’t mind spending the extra time, he keeps persisting with me.”
So these ingredients… being patient, taking interest in your students, being a good instructor and being well informed, they are all ingredients in the recipe of mutual respect. Once a student has gained results from an instructors teaching, then they start to say, “wow, I am getting the hang of this, I respect him.”
So the respect starts to build up and grow on them; respect can grow. The student begins to recognise that the instructor is taking interest in them, “he doesn’t care whether I do bad or good… he really cares about my improvement.”
When the student respects the instructor, it is so much easier to learn, sure, we all know that, but how can we achieve respect on the instructors side… the instructor must respect the student as well.
It is by doing the right thing by the student. If this is achieved, sooner rather than later the instructor and student will connect, and the chemistry will begin. This can only happen once respect is gained.
Salutation and Respect
It is important to note here however that respect comes in many forms and it is displayed differently depending on where you are in the world. Respect in some countries can be as simple as shaking hands, a thankyou very much or a gesture.
However, the prevailing formality for respect in our school comes from the Chinese way of showing deep respect, and that is by salutation.
It shows that you really respect someone.
Salutation can also be used to gauge a student’s degree of respect. For example, if an instructor hasn’t gained a student’s respect, when a student salutes them it doesn’t really mean anything.
An instructor or teacher should feel that the student was really appreciating what they were doing for them, by the way the student salutes.
If a student really appreciates what an instructor is doing for them, the instructor should be able to recognise it through the way the student salutes them.
It is the way they acknowledge the respect they have for their teacher.
Therefore respect, as I have said repeatedly, is an ingredient to be able to start to learn and absorb kung fu.
Trust and Respect
Furthermore, respect goes hand in hand with trust. It’s like when two people have only known each other a short period of time, an instructor and a new student for example. The instructor might say to the student, “trust me”. The student might then turn around and ask the instructor, “I’ve only known you for a short time, how do I know that I can trust you?” The student then asks the instructor to trust them, and the instructor can’t trust the student either; they are in a similar predicament because they have only known each other a short while.
So respect, as with trust, must be developed over a period of time. This is a way of life. Some people may ask me, “is this just in Kung Fu?”
“No”, I tell them.
Life and Respect
If you respect your lecturer at university for example, automatically you will go further than someone who doesn’t respect, as you try your best for that lecturer.
This principle can be juxtaposed onto any facet of your life. When you respect your work and you respect what you are doing at work… you go further with your career.
When you respect your parents you never want to hurt them so you try your best to make them happy.
When you respect your friends you avoid doing anything that could lose you that friendship.
So respect itself plays a great part in everyday life and makes for a better world really.
The Physics of Respect
But as I have said previously, there needs to be a connection between two people before respect can be established. For example, in the situation of two people trying to gain mutual respect, where both want to see a commitment of respect from the other person first, there is no connection.
This is just like a magnet and an iron. At first they are both separate entities… away from each other. If neither magnet nor iron moves closer to the other, they will not attract. In order to attract, one has to move closer so they are the correct distance from each other.
Respect is similar. One person has to be more generous by saying to themself, “ok, what do I have to lose by respecting someone?” If anything it proves that they are the kinder person. They must tell themselves, “I can afford it, and I can afford to respect someone even though I may not get the respect back.”
Just like some people may have money, they can afford to put their money out first. In the situation of a joint venture for example, if no one wants to put his or her money out first, if no one wants to initiate the venture, then nothing happens. One person has to be daring enough or trusting enough, or generous enough.
This is where I am going to include generosity into the equation, for one must be generous with one’s respect.
We must remember that respect is all around us; there is respect in the community, in the family, in the workplace. Because of respect it’s a better workplace and a better family, a better world.
You respect life… you don’t usually take life. If you respect someone, incidentally, his or her respect towards you will be greater.
An Example…
For example, divorce is so common these days because the respect for the love between a man and his wife is crumbling. Ultimately, it is respect that is the binding force between them. Love is the situation of sticking together in harmony, husband and wife.
If they do not respect one another, after they have been married for a while they begin to pick at each other’s faults.
Some people in a relationship might find themselves saying to their partner, “what did you do that for, I hate that!”
If you respect that person you would not say it like that, you would say, “excuse me love, I have noticed you’ve done something a little bit different.”
Once you put the respect into something, it becomes much easier to handle any situation.
When you say, “why the hell did you do that for, I hate that”, it is a total disregard and disrespect of the other persons feelings; you may hurt them by saying that.
By taking the respectful approach, you might say, “listen love, you know that thing you did yesterday, I don’t know if I can get used to that, is there any reason why you did that?”
She will reply, “oh yes, I did that because…”
You reply, “Oh right, now I understand, I can accept that. Would you mind if you refrained from doing that. Out of respect, if there is anything you find wrong about me, don’t forget to say it.”
Tell them your intentions. Your intention is not to pick her apart, your intention is to harmonise one another, you express your dissatisfaction about me and I will express my dissatisfaction about you. So it is a balanced situation.
Remember…
By putting respect into anything, it produces a calmer tone, a good adhesive for a long and prosperous relationship.
For example, a school that I didn’t respect would not be a good school; for any relationship without respect has no love behind it… it is just a formality.
In a society without respect, everyone would be trying to
outdo one another. People would be reduced to trying to take money off one another, overpower one another, charge at one another.
You must consider what it would be like to be on the receiving end, would you like that? Would like to be robbed, overpowered or charged?
So make yourself a better person, by starting to put some respect into society, into our training, into our relationships, into our workplace, into our learning situations.
Lets make a better world together.
Someone has to be generous enough to start it first. Let that person be you.
What if everyone said, “well I tried first but he doesn’t respect me back?”
As I said before, what have you lost… what have you lost?
The one who gives is always the one to reach out.
The one that needs to take will always be the poorer… in knowledge… in money… in possession… in life.
Grandmaster Henry Sue
P.S. I would love to hear your thoughts or feedback on the above Philosophy newsletter, and please if you have any questions in regards to the above newsletter don’t hesitate to ask using the comments area below and I will do my best to answer your questions as soon as possible.
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